Connected
I grew up in a loving Jewish family, always knowing I was adopted. My parents gave me the middle name "Joy" because I brought joy into their lives. I felt fortunate until adulthood uncovered deeper emotions. In college, I joined an adoptee support group and learned that feelings of rejection and unworthiness are common, often hidden within adoption.
Curious about my roots, I searched for my birth mother, but Canadian adoptions were closed. My file held little more than a made-up name and an empty address. It was not enough to find her.
While pregnant with twins in 2003, thoughts of biological connection resurfaced, and the vision for this installation began. Twenty years later, as I started creating the piece, I took a DNA test out of curiosity. The results surprised me. I discovered I was mostly of Scottish and Irish ancestry, with no Jewish heritage. It made me question whether I am defined by my biology or by the culture that raised me.
Soon after, I connected with my half-siblings and my birth father, Mack, who welcomed me into his family with warmth and openness. Although he had no memory of my birth mother, he vividly recalled driving a blue Chevrolet Biscayne as a traveling salesman. Even more meaningful, he shared with me our family’s story, tracing back to my great-grandfather, the Honorable Sydney John Smith, Speaker of the Senate of Canada, and to ancestors who first arrived in Canada in 1795.
Now, with Quebec’s adoption records newly opened, I continue my search for my birth mother. I am curious, as ever, about what traits of hers have become mine. Wondering who she is, and why she gave me up for adoption.